The best 3 dates

1. The first date (Aug 2000)

When Tane first asked me on a date I turned him down (go-karting). I turned down the 2nd (Salsa dancing)and 3rd dates also (a trip to the beach). I'm not sure if I turned down any others (he will remember though).

I decided I'd go on one date and then I could say 'no' once and for all. So he took me to dinner at Mecca in Mission Bay. I had been told by others that he wouldn't pay for my date so I didn't take my wallet.

When we got to the restaurant I didn't want to order anything. So he ate a really nice thai beef salad, while I just watched. We then went to see X-men, for which he had already bought tickets for. I had a pretty good time but I had already made up my mind... there would be no more dates (famous last words).

I was right... there were no more dates (for about 4 months)

Obviously Mecca in Mission Bay now is a special place for us... I've forgotten how many times we've eaten there. 

2. Piha (early Dec 2000)

Tane's favourite beach is Piha... he loves to bodyboard there.

This was not supposed to be a date but it ended up being one. It all began one saturday morning when I got a phonecall from Tane. He was going to take us (me and a friend) out to the airport to see some friends off back to the States. However he had an acident riding his bike. I really wanted to go (at this time I didn't drive and didn't own a car, so Tane was frequently driver for me, my sister and a few other friends). I managed to convince him to still take me (although I do not think he needed much convincing).

After the farewells a friend of mine wanted me to go back to her place, but I felt bad to leave Tane when he was not supposed to be driving. My friend and I drove back with him. He suddenly asked if we wanted to go to Piha... why not?? this is non-threatening just 3 friends going to the beach.

As we drove out there I began to realise how much my friend and Tane had in common. I thought they would make a pretty good match.

I spent most of my time taking photographs of the beautiful scenery and did not spend much time with Tane. By the time we were going home it was getting dark and I was getting tired. I thought to myself, 'either I start a conversation or I go to sleep.'

So I asked Tane a question: "when were you converted to the church?"... His reply "When I was eight... I was baptised...

"No, when were you really converted?" And then came an answer that would change my life. An answer which made me come to realise that Tane was not the man I had judged him to be.

Having been raised in the church, I have always wondered if I would have accepted the gospel if it had been presented to me later in life. That nights I heard how Tane's parents had not been to church since he was a baby... that he was baptised because of missionary efforts, he attended youth because of faithful youth leaders... which lead to him going to church college and being involved with further acticvities where he could feel the spirit and develop a testimony. I was amazed that he had saved for his mission and gone while his parents were less-active, with no family pushing him, that he had come back home and was still strong in the church.

Our conversation lasted a long time... long after the 40 minute ride home from Piha... and needless to say... from that moment... I was hooked.

3. Matapouri

Tane and I started dating in Dec 2000. For New Years our YSA friends had already organised a trip to Matapouri. We camped on land belonging to our friends - the Waetfords. By this time I was head over heels for Tane and he for me. We spent lots of time lazing on beautiful beaches and spending lots of time together. We went to some beautiful beaches: Whales Bay, Sandy Bay and Mermaids lagoon.  We had a blast. We had dinner on New Years Eve at a restaurant called Snapper Rock at Tutakaka... and returned there several times since including on our Honeymoon - again really good food. The remainder of New Years Eve was spent dancing away to Jared Waetford's sound system in their makeshift camp dance area.

This trip started a tradition which we continued most years until we moved from Auckland. Each year, even when Josh was 3 months and then when Joseph was 2 months, we ventured up there for a week.

So there you have it, 3 great dates that have lead us on this crazy adventure so far...

Say I love you every day!

Today at district conference we were advised to do several things which would improve and strengthen marriages.
1. Say 'I love you' every day (not just 'ditto' Tane :) )
2. Go to bed at the same time (ha - with a wee baby that is near impossible)
3. Go on 'date nights'.
4. For husbands to buy their wives flowers and be romantic.

So today after conference I discussed this with Tane, and he asked 'I don't get what the big deal is with flowers - you can't eat them?' (Typical) Which made me laugh. And then I told him how flowers are beautiful and symbolise love and appreciation.

As I thought about these suggestions I was reminded of some of the gifts Tane has given me over the years. The last time Tane bought flowers for me was my final day as a trainee intern. I was working at a general practice in Blenheim and we were having morning tea. Tane appeared with a beautiful bouquet of flowers to congratulate me on completing my degree. I really loved them.

I must say though I was surprised last week when Tane returned home from work with a Hershey chocolate pie which is one of our favourite deserts. Burger King has just opened up here so it was a real treat. I was super excited, but when I opened it up was super disappointed to see it had been half eaten. I was about to question Tane for eating it when I realised it had been fully sealed when I opened it. So Tane went off to BK to return it and get another one.

My favourite gift Tane bought me was a tube of glue. It was one christmas and you may not think glue is a pretty good gift, but it was. Why? because he had really thought about me when he chose this gift. He didn't just buy any old glue, he bought glue for scrapbooking - which is something I enjoy doing. Then he attached a note to it which said 'You are the glue that holds our family together'. It made me realise that he not only had taken notice of the things I enjoyed but also that he appreciated me.

So even though flowers are few and far between, I do get sweet surprises from time to time - I can't complain about that.

After 58 years of marriage...

Last night I was assessing a patient at work. He didn't give me much details about his medical problems, but did say quite a lot about his wife who had recently passed away. He was obviously still grieving and told me they had been married for 58 years.

I felt completely inadequate to be the recipient of such personal emotion, so just lamely held his hand and tried to be of some comfort. As he spoke of her I could see the fondness in his eyes and longing for her to be with him. I started thinking about my own marriage, how our 10 years was comparatively short, and yet I would imagine the grief I would experience should Tan pass away would be severe.

I though about where we would be after 58 years of marriage. I will be 77 and Tane 83 years old. Wow that is kinda scary!

I thought about the future I though what will be most important for me is at this age: that we have family around us who love us. Lots of children and grandchildren. We hope to have also served a mission or two together and travel the world - but if neither of those are possible... to have a happy family, and be firm in the faith to the end. I don't think I could wish for more than that.